The Four Seasons

How I feel when I'm alone is something I pay a lot of attention to. Maybe it's because I'm an only child. Or maybe it's because being alone is something that I've had to work at. I avoided it as much as possible until a few years ago when I decided I needed to learn to appreciate and enjoy solitude. I realized that the saying "every man is an island" is true. I'm very lucky that I have many loving friends and family, but in the end, each of us has to be happy alone. Hopefully, I'll have loved ones by my side when I go through tough times in my life, but I can't rely on that. Unfortunately, sometimes the only person to rely upon is yourself.

At the turn of each season, I find that the way I feel when I'm alone changes. This is not surprising, but it's always remarkable to me how palpable the difference is. Last winter, I was alone for the first time in a couple of years dating-wise, and I have to say it was very hard. I was sad a lot, but I think that sadness was necessary for me to fully move on from my last relationship. Springtime is all about hope and appreciating the end of winter. When I was in Amsterdam riding my bike along the beautiful canals, I kept reminding myself to remember how amazing it felt with the breeze in my hair and the sun on my face.

My memories of being alone this summer are most closely tied to Namibia. The vastness and emptiness of the country created a strong sense of independence in me, and because I was on a tour with strangers, I often felt alone even when there were people around. Being alone in the summer is the most relaxing; all I want is to enjoy the good weather and read. I was very at peace this summer with myself, and I'm thankful for that opportunity because I came back to New York more refreshed than I had even anticipated.

Fall is my favorite season. I love the crisp air that has the most distinctive smell. And the colors. Beautiful reds, oranges, browns, and greens. I associate it with exciting beginnings probably because of all those new school years I started in the fall. Because of these things, I think fall is the most romantic season. I want to share the fading daylight and cooler evenings. And oddly enough, I've always had the most luck dating in the fall. But what makes it romantic also makes it a lonely season when you're alone. The impending doom of winter lurks around the corner. But that's what also makes fall so exciting. It's evanescent.